Codependency refers to an individual being dependent on someone else, generally a partner, for their self-worth. Codependent people frequently have a strong desire to ‘fix’ or assist another person since they find it difficult to establish healthy and stable relationships.
They frequently fail to set healthy boundaries for themselves, find it difficult to say no, and prioritize the wants and needs of others over their own. They feel guilty and anxious if they take care of themselves or prioritize their needs over those of their partner.
A codependent person needs the affirmation and love of another person to feel valuable. They may experience low self-esteem and feelings of shame, which makes them more likely to find enjoyment in interactions with others than with their partners. These individuals may have an anxious attachment.
A research review found that patterns of codependent behavior often involve four main elements (1):
Self-sacrifice
A tendency to think of others
A desire for control that could lead to conflict
Inability to understand and articulate emotions
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Melody Beattie popularized the idea of codependency with her book “Codependent No More” in 1986, which sold 8 million copies and was then updated in 1992 and 2022.
In the following section, let us understand the different types of codependency.
Types Of Codependency
Codependent behavior can be broadly classified into the following five types.
1. Passive Codependency
A codependent partner bottles up their resentments and anguish, overlooking their own well-being and peace to cater to all the unreasonable needs of their narcissistic partners.
2. Active Codependency
The codependent partner protests against their partner’s unfair and manipulative behaviors, arguing and demanding mutual respect and love, only to come up empty.
3. Cerebral Codependency
The codependent partner participates in educational or transformative activities to overcome relationship trauma by themselves without actually giving up on the toxic relationship.
4. Oblivious Codependency
The codependent partner detaches themselves or turns a blind eye to their situation and relationship problems, pretending to be leading a happy life.
5. Anorexic Codependency
The codependent partner holds themselves back from indulging in regular relationship activities and sexual intimacy, believing this abstinence can protect them from narcissistic abuse.
Now, knowing what codependency is, you must be wondering what factors lead to codependent relationships. Learn more in the following section.
What Causes Codependent Relationships?
Numerous factors can lead to someone becoming codependent. These consist of the following:
Belonging to a dysfunctional family with conflict, misbehavior, addiction, and abuse.
Experiencing a damaging parent-child relationship can teach a child to repress their own needs and feelings to please the parent, for example, if the parent is emotionally abusive.
Having a family member with a physical or mental condition.
Growing up in a home where one or both parents were addicts.
Having a narcissistic parent.
Being exposed to trauma or loss at a young age.
Being involved in a friendship or work relationship where one person is perceived superior due to their skills or talent and hence everything is done as per their wish, while the other believes this unfair give and take to be well-deserved.
If you still cannot relate to them, scroll down to see the 20 signs that might tell you whether you’re in a codependent relationship rather than a healthy one!
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