Sex therapist, author, and podcast host Emily Morse is on a mission to liberate the conversation around sex and pleasure—and one of the surest ways to do that is to bust commonly believed myths. After all, misinformation can be a serious intimacy roadblock. Recently, the sexologist sat down with Oprah Daily to review some of the most common myths she sees holding people back in the bedroom. Watch the video above or check out what she has to say about some of those myths below.

 Myth: Masturbating or using toys is a betrayal of my partner.

“People are jealous of their partners’ toys all the time. But listen: Toys can’t cuddle. They can’t take you to the farmers’ market on a Sunday. I’ve never seen anyone leave their partner for a sex toy, so let’s just let that one go—and maybe use a sex toy with your partner. Fun for everybody!"

Myth: Sex is pleasurable only if there’s an orgasm.

“This is so not true. Good sex has to do with connection, touch, and intimacy. Pleasure is less about one specific destination; pleasure is about the whole entire journey. The couples who have healthy, honest conversations about their sex life report greater relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. In other words: The more you talk about it, the better sex you’re going to have.”

Myth: Everyone wants the same thing in bed.

“A lot of the challenges we have from sex is that we don’t really know what gets us in the mood, and then we feel bad that we’re not in the mood. Let’s normalize the fact that it actually takes work and a little bit of personal understanding. I want us to stop beating ourselves up for not being spontaneous and ready to go. The more work you can do in understanding when you feel the most relaxed and in your body, then you can crack the code for when you’re ready for sex and what feels good.”