Monday, March 4, 2024

IIFL Finance shares tank 20 pc; hit lower circuit

 Shares of IIFL Finance Ltd slumped 20 per cent on Tuesday after the Reserve Bank barred the firm from disbursing gold loans, with immediate effect following multiple supervisory concerns, including serious deviations in assaying and certifying the purity of the yellow metal.


The stock dived 20 per cent to Rs 478.50 -- its lower circuit limit -- on the BSE.


At the NSE, it tanked 19.99 per cent to hit the lower circuit limit of Rs 477.75.


The company's market valuation eroded by Rs 4,552.85 crore to Rs 18,253.97 crore.


Financial services provider, IIFL Finance offers a range of loans and mortgages. The latest directions from the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) pertain to only the gold loan business.


In a statement on Monday, the RBI said it has directed IIFL Finance Ltd "to cease and desist, with immediate effect, from sanctioning or disbursing gold loans or assigning/ securitising/ selling any of its gold loans".


The company can, however, continue to service its existing gold loan portfolio through the usual collection and recovery processes, it added.


The supervisory restrictions will be reviewed upon completion of a special audit to be instituted by the RBI and after rectification by the company of the special audit findings and the findings of RBI Inspection to the satisfaction of the central bank, it added.


Giving details, the central bank said an inspection of the company was carried out by it with reference to its financial position as of March 31, 2023.


Certain material supervisory concerns were observed in the gold loan portfolio of the company.

Tiny Ways to Inject Hope into Your Day It’s all around us! We just have to recognize it.

 Reread your favorite uplifting novel from when you were a kid.

I’m telling you, there are few moods a couple of hours with Anne of Green Gables (or something like that) can’t soothe. The sincerity, the earnestness, the simplicity. The belief that all problems are fixable with the right attitude—remember how Anne wins over countless curmudgeonly adults with her optimism? No matter what kind of book you’re reading, things are generally solved by the end of it—that’s how plots work, after all. It’s a good reminder that things do, eventually, get better.


Browse through these beautiful oil paintings of junk food.

It’s like having a really good snack but zero calories or greasy tummy ache. This painter has turned the mundane and even downright ugly into something beautiful—and so, it stands to reason, can you.




Review your circles.

My friends and family are sick to death of hearing me say, “circle of control, circle of concern!” But whenever I’m overwhelmed by the world, it works. Popularized by Stephen Covey (the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People guy), the concept behind the circles has been in existence since the Stoic philosophers of ancient Greece. The idea is to think about what concerns you—which is probably, if you’re a sentient human, a lot of big stuff, from war overseas to the melting ice caps. Inside of that circle is the circle of influence, or the stuff you can maybe kind of do something about—the local school board elections, say. The rummage sale at your church. And then, inside of that, is the circle of control. This is the stuff you actually are in charge of. How you live your life. How you treat the people around you. How you show up at work, at school, in your family, with your friends. This is the only stuff you really, really have control over. So if you’re feeling despair about something ginormous that you can’t really change, remind yourself that your feelings are valid, but that this isn’t an area to obsess over. What do you actually have control over? Focus there.





Everyone can grow and change and learn new skills and hone their appreciation for the wonder of the natural world. Even people who can’t draw. Promise.


Talk to a kid about their favorite animal facts.

Seriously, for some mysterious reason, elementary-age children seem to all have countless amazing bits of animal trivia at their fingertips. Did you know the oldest cat ever was named Creme Puff and lived to be 38? Well, my fifth grader did. It’s not that it’s the next generation’s job to cheer us up about the world (yikes!), but it’s a relief to remember that every once in a while, the kids are alright.


Update your phone’s operating system.

I know that sounds boring, but it’s always fun to have new emojis and increased capabilities, and on iOS 16, you can unsend texts. Great news for those terribly awkward moments when you realize you’ve sent your parent something you meant to send your partner. Look, we’re all making mistakes and correcting them and getting better all the time—it’s true of operating systems, and it’s true of us clumsy humans, too.



Take a nap.

Yes, it’s advice your mother would give you, but you know what? Mothers know what they are talking about. Everything seems more dire when you’re worn out. Here are my personal rules for a perfect nap: First, drink coffee (I know! Just trust me, it’s a thing). Then, open window shades and curtains—as cats and dogs know, sunbeams make for quality naps. Play some relaxing music, get on top of your covers with a special napping blanket (under-the-cover-naps are only for the feverish), and nap for 20 minutes. I’m willing to bet you’ll wake up better able to put things in perspective.


Microdose a little awe.

Moonwalk through the awe-inspiring images from the James Webb telescope. There is something bigger out there.


Call or write to your representatives, local or national, and urge them to fight for the environment.

I know this is one of those huge things that seem unsolvable and hopeless, but it’s literally not: The UN has found that the world’s air pollution could be rapidly cleaned up if enough governments adopted the WHO’s air quality guidelines. That’s good to hear, right? It’s really not too late—it almost never is. And taking some small step toward action can really aerate your mood.




Pile on topping.

Just as it did in the '90s, fro-yo still works. My son was having a dreary day full of mundane disappointments, when he asked if frozen yogurt was a real thing, or just a joke they made online. We made a beeline for one of those places where they have way too many flavors of soft-serve frozen yogurt, and I let the kids pile their blobs with chocolate chunks, marshmallows, peanut butter cups, sprinkles, coconut shavings, butterscotch chips, and other tooth-curdling confections. The frozen yogurt still tastes like, mostly, nothing. But with a pile of crazy toppings? It’s a masterpiece. Just like life.


Ask a friend to text you a picture of something that’s making them happy these days.

People love to have an excuse to share about their kids/new lover/houseplant win/exercise routine/bearded dragon, and it’s legitimately cheering to hear about this sort of thing. Take it from me, someone who just got texted a photo essay about the dumbest but cutest household chickens in all of Iowa.






Sunday, March 3, 2024

If you have diabetes and are afraid of planning pregnancy, follow these tips to rule out the complications and ensure a healthy delivery.

 Pregnancy is a time of profound physical and emotional changes, and when diabetes enters the equation, it adds another layer of complexity. Women with diabetes need to be proactive in managing their condition and optimising their health before conception. If blood sugar is not under control, it could lead to complications, such as birth defects, premature delivery, hypoglycemia, miscarriage, or stillbirth. 


Dr Rashmi Baliyan, Gynaecologist and Obstetrician Consultant, Primus Super Speciality Hospital, listed tips to follow when planning a pregnancy with diabetes.




According to a study published by the HHS Author Manuscripts, pre-existing diabetes during pregnancy is complicated and carries a high risk for both the mother and the baby. However, these risks can be reduced by carefully monitoring other medical conditions, such as optimising glycemic control and using medication as prescribed.





Tips To Follow When Planning Pregnancy With Diabetes

Preconception planning

It's crucial to work with your healthcare team before getting pregnant. They can help optimise your blood sugar control and adjust your medications, if necessary. Aim for well-managed diabetes with near-normal blood sugar levels before conception.





Blood sugar monitoring

Dr Baliyan said, “Regular monitoring of blood sugar levels is essential during pregnancy. Your healthcare provider will guide you on target ranges and frequency of testing. Close monitoring allows for timely adjustments to insulin or oral medications to maintain stable blood sugar levels.”


Also Read: Seizures During Pregnancy? This May Be A Sign Of Eclampsia, Know More About This Condition


Diet and nutrition

Follow a balanced and nutritious meal plan recommended by a registered dietitian. You should emphasise consuming a range of complete foods, such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Dr Baliyan added, “Monitoring carbohydrate intake and distributing it evenly throughout the day. Avoid excessive sugary foods and beverages.”


Medication management

Dr Baliyan suggested reviewing your medications with your healthcare provider to ensure they are safe for pregnancy. Some diabetes medications may need to be adjusted or switched to safer alternatives. Insulin is commonly used during pregnancy as it does not cross the placenta and is considered safe for the baby.





Regular prenatal care

Attend regular prenatal check-ups to monitor the progress of your pregnancy and assess your health. Your healthcare team will monitor your blood sugar control, blood pressure, and any potential complications associated with diabetes.


Physical activity

Dr Baliyan informed, “Follow your healthcare provider's advice and exercise regularly. Exercise helps control blood sugar levels and promotes overall health. You should discuss appropriate activities and intensity levels with your healthcare team.”




Managing risks and complications

Diabetes during pregnancy can increase the risk of certain complications, such as gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, or preterm birth. Close monitoring and management can help minimise these risks. Your healthcare team will guide you through any necessary interventions.


Emotional support

Pregnancy can be emotionally challenging, especially when managing diabetes. Seek support from your healthcare team, family, or support groups to address any concerns or anxieties you may have.


Disclaimer

This article contains information provided by a registered healthcare professional and is for informational purposes only. However, each person's situation is unique, and it's important to work closely with your healthcare provider who specialises in diabetes and pregnancy.







Saturday, March 2, 2024

Wounds of diabetic patients do not heal quickly. If it takes too long to heal, infection can occur, the wound can spread and the problem can become serious. Therefore, diabetic patients should know what to do if they get injured.

 Before cleaning the injury, diabetic patients should clean their hands with soap. After this, wash the injury thoroughly with plain water. Take care that there should not be any dirt left in it. Even the slightest dirt can deepen the injury. If you want, you can also wash the injury with lukewarm water. Washing with lukewarm water helps in cleaning the injury properly.




apply pressure to the injury


If your injury is bleeding after washing, apply pressure to it to stop the bleeding. If there is a lot of bleeding from the injured area, do not take it lightly. Apply pressure on the injury with the help of cotton and a clean cloth. This will stop bleeding. If bleeding still continues, you should go to the doctor without delay, so that they can stop the bleeding with proper treatment.




apply antibiotic cream



If the bleeding has stopped from the injured area and you have cleaned it thoroughly, do not forget to apply antibiotic cream on it for recovery of the injury. You should buy antibiotic cream from the pharmacy only on the advice of the doctor. After seeing your injury, they will recommend using antibiotic cream, which can help in faster recovery of the injury.




If the wound is not very deep and can heal without dressing, then it can be left open. At the same time, if the wound needs proper dressing, do not ignore it. After applying antibiotic cream, apply a bandage or dressing to the injury. By doing this the injury will be covered and the risk of infection will be reduced.





You know very well that no injury heals in a day or two. It takes time to heal. In such a situation, diabetic patients should check their blood sugar level daily. Even slight fluctuations in blood sugar can hinder the healing of your wound. Try to manage your blood sugar levels these days. For this, follow a healthy lifestyle and healthy diet.





Frequently Asked Questions



How to heal diabetic foot injury?

Diabetic patients should not take injuries in any part of the body lightly. In the initial stages, take help of home remedies like massaging the wound with aloe vera gel and try other remedies. If recovery is not seen in a few days, go to the doctor immediately.


How long does it take for a diabetic wound to heal?

Diabetic patients should take first aid immediately in case of wound and should go to the doctor without any delay. If for some reason their wound has become infected, it may take time to heal. Let us tell you that foot ulcers of diabetic patients may take a long time to heal. It cannot be said with certainty how much time it will take. For this, you will have to consult a doctor.


Should diabetics worry about injuries?

Injuries, burns and wounds can occur even under normal circumstances. But, diabetic patients should not take injuries, burns or wounds lightly.

Doctors of Tata Institute discovered a new cure for cancer, cancer will not occur for the second time Tata Institute New Cancer Treatment: To neutralize the chromogen, doctors gave pro-oxidant tablets of resveratrol and copper to the rats.

 Tata Institute New Cancer Treatment: Doctors and researchers of Tata Institute, Mumbai have achieved great success in the treatment of cancer. Doctors have developed a treatment that will help prevent the recurrence of serious diseases like cancer. Cancer is a serious and deadly disease and its treatment is also very difficult. In such a situation, this treatment discovered by the doctors of Tata Hospital has made the treatment of deadly diseases like cancer easier. This treatment has been discovered under the direction of Dr. Indranil Mitra of Tata Hospital's Advanced Center for Treatment, Research and Education in Cancer (ACTRAC) in Kharghar.




Testing done on rats

Once a cancer patient is cured, this treatment has been properly tested to reduce the risk of recurrence of cancer. Doctors gave a joint pro-oxidant tablet of resveratrol and copper to the rats. This tablet was effective in neutralizing chromozone. Tata doctors have been researching on this for almost a decade. This tablet is awaiting approval from the Food Safety and Standards Authority of India. Additionally, this treatment also incorporates advanced immunotherapy technology, which harnesses the power of the patient's immune system to help identify and destroy the cancer.





Speaking to a media organisation, Dr Rajendra of the hospital said, "For research, human cancer cells were inserted into mice, due to which a tumor formed in them. Then the mice were treated with radiation therapy, chemotherapy and surgery. It was found that that when these cancer cells die, they break up into smaller pieces, called chromatin particles. These particles can travel to other parts of the body through the bloodstream and when they enter healthy cells If they are, they can turn them into cancer." To correct this condition, the rats were given resveratrol and copper (R+Cu) pro-oxidant tablets. After consuming these pills, the effect of chromatin particles on their body gets destroyed, which reduces the risk of getting cancer again.






The tablet will hit the market by June-July

Researchers have said that this new drug R+Cu will be available in the market in June-July after getting the approval of the Food Safety and Standards Authority of India (FSSAI). It is claimed to be 30 percent effective in preventing the recurrence of a deadly disease like cancer and is 50 percent effective in protecting the patient's body from toxicity after cancer treatment.

Not to Say to a Friend Who’s Had a Miscarriage “At least you can get pregnant,” and five other no-gos.

 The evening before, the bleeding had been light—just a few spots of pale pink blood. Almost nothing. I hadn’t been particularly worried. During my first pregnancy, I’d had the same spotting a few times too, and yet my daughter was born strong, healthy, and—in my eyes—utterly perfect. This time, I was 10 weeks along and had already seen the astonishing twitch of my second baby’s heartbeat on several sonograms.


The doctor hit a button, and I heard the familiar whir of the printer. A wave of relief: She was printing a picture, a grainy black-and-white snapshot that I would take home and stick on our fridge. Except she didn’t hand me the printout. She tucked it into her folder. “I’m sorry. There is no longer a heartbeat. I don’t think there has been for at least a week or so.”


My body had been home to a baby, and that baby had stopped living. Worst of all—I hadn’t even noticed.


Did the doctor make eye contact as she said it? I don’t remember. What I do remember is that when she walked out of the room with the sonogram image in her folder, I felt as if I had been violently robbed. Come back, I wanted to call out. That’s my picture. That’s my baby. But I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, the ultrasound jelly drying cold on my stomach.





It was to be the first of three miscarriages in a row, over the course of 14 months. Now I know that my experience has a name: I am one of the unfortunate 1 percent of women to suffer recurrent pregnancy loss. Despite extensive, sometimes invasive testing, no one seems to be able to tell me why.


Although I feel lucky to have had love and support from friends and family throughout my losses, some throwaway comments have hurt—no matter how well-intentioned they were. I’ll share them here—not with judgment but with the hope of making things a little easier for those grieving a miscarriage and those who care about them.


1. “Don’t worry. I know you’ll have another baby.”

Of course, this is meant to be reassuring, and I appreciate the optimism. But after my miscarriages, I wanted time to mourn that particular baby. One of the hardest things about a loss is feeling that you are the only one to have ever known or loved that little flicker of life inside you. Rushing someone to think of the next baby, before having time to mourn this one, only intensifies that feeling of isolation and of carrying the grief all alone.




2. “Have you tried acupuncture?”

Or meditation. Or eating walnuts. Or any number of remedies or treatments. Your friend has probably desperately googled them all. “There’s no amount of blueberries or standing on one’s head that is going to get someone pregnant—or keep them that way,” says Jessica Zucker, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in reproductive and maternal mental health, and whose traumatic miscarriage inspired her bestselling memoir, I Had a Miscarriage. “Hearing these unfounded or oversimplified pieces of advice when grieving can really splinter the dynamic in a friendship.”


3. “At least you know you can get pregnant.”

People say that with alarming regularity, and it always startles me. During the aftermath of one of my miscarriages, I hemorrhaged so badly that I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. It was the closest I’ve ever come to feeling like I was dying, and there is no world in which I would choose that experience over a negative pregnancy test. “Any statement that begins with ‘at least’ is usually problematic,” says Zucker. She points out that this is true in all conversations with friends—not just ones involving fertility struggles. “Our culture has so much discomfort around talking about hard things. Rather than sit in grief with a friend, people try to pull them into the future—to ‘look on the bright side.’ But it really works to minimize someone’s experience.”





4. “How many weeks were you?”

This question always threw me: Should I say the number of weeks I thought I was pregnant? Or the number of weeks at which the doctor estimated that my baby’s heart stopped beating? Or even, the number of weeks I was when I had surgery, or when I took medication to induce the bleeding? Around 3 percent of pregnancies end in “missed miscarriages,” meaning there were no symptoms of the loss other than a lack of heartbeat during an ultrasound. For many women, this question is often impossible to answer.


In the throes of grief, it can also feel like too probing a question—as if the amount of empathy I deserved would be measured and doled out in proportion to the number of weeks I carried the baby for. “Of course, there are physical differences in losing a baby later in a pregnancy, but someone can feel just as much despair with an early loss as a later one. Who are we to judge?” says Zucker. “The best way to support somebody who’s grieving is to just ask more holistically about their experience and how they’re feeling.”




5. “I know someone who’s had five miscarriages.”

It’s a natural human instinct to share stories and to search for common ground when empathizing. But no one who has suffered a loss wants to imagine more suffering down the line. “This most likely comes from a place of empathy, but telling someone horror stories could make them tuck into themselves, keeping their grief and despair to themselves,” says Zucker.



6. “Do you know what caused it?”

Rest assured, your loved one is probably thinking of nothing else. Was it the glass of wine she had before she knew she was pregnant? Was it that too-vigorous workout? Was it some kind of cruel atonement for something she did a lifetime ago? But the truth is that most women will never know what caused their miscarriage, and being reminded of this is beyond painful.


What to say—or do—instead

One of my wisest and closest friends, Hannah, who herself lost a baby in her second trimester, has a wonderful rule for talking to friends about tough stuff: Ask lots of questions so they can voice how they’re feeling and coping, express plenty of empathy, and never, ever try to fix things or offer advice unless it’s explicitly asked for.





If you can, drop off a home-cooked meal or send a pick-me-up. I was touched when my friend Young sent me a voucher for a pedicure, and when some of my Oprah Daily colleagues sent me treats from a local bakery. Of course, nothing can undo your loss, but it always feels good to know people are thinking of you.


The worst thing of all is to do or say nothing at all. “People will say, ‘Oh, I didn’t want to remind her of it.’ But she’ll probably already be thinking about it anyway,” says Zucker. “If your friend says she doesn’t feel like talking about it right now, at least you’ve let her decide that and have acknowledged the reality she’s living in.”


Even expressing a few words of sincere empathy can make a profound difference. I quickly became used to the callousness of many of the medical staff I spoke to, who often couldn’t even muster an “I’m sorry to hear that” when I explained that I’d had another miscarriage. So when, one day, a health insurance rep stopped in her tracks and said, “My heart is with you, and I believe your pain,” it moved me deeply.


Above all, be present for your friend and give her the chance to voice her sadness, if she wants to. “These types of traumas can really shift the dynamics of friendships and family relationships,” says Zucker. “It’s hard to sit with people in these challenging seasons of their lives, but that is what true friendship is about.”











Why You’re So Tired? A condition that’s often missed—and affects more than a third of women under 50—might explain things.

 That kind of tired is not normal, says Angela Weyand, MD, a pediatric hematologist and associate professor at the University of Michigan. One of Weyand’s clinical interests is in iron deficiency, the symptoms of which include extreme fatigue, weakness, headache, lightheadedness, cold hands and feet, and “unusual cravings,” among others.


Sound familiar? You have lots of company. In July 2023, Weyand and her team released a study that found the overall prevalence of iron deficiency was about 40 percent in young menstruating individuals.


“Iron is the most common nutrient deficiency in the world, but it does tend to affect menstruating people more frequently,” says Weyand. Men, for the most part, take in and hold on to enough iron, but if you’re bleeding monthly, that’s one route to iron deficiency. Recent shifts in women’s reproductive timelines play a role, too. “We have earlier [onset of periods],” says Weyand, “a later age of menopause, and fewer pregnancies, so individuals are spending a greater proportion of their lives losing blood than before.”




That’s a problem because iron is a critical element in the production of red blood cells, and extreme iron deficiency presents as anemia. People are most at risk for iron deficiency and iron deficiency anemia during growth stages, like early childhood, adolescence, and pregnancy.


IRON IS THE MOST COMMON NUTRIENT DEFICIENCY IN THE WORLD.

But Weyand has seen many teen and adult patients struggle mightily with symptoms their referring physician hadn’t realized were probably due to a less extreme iron deficiency. That’s partly because the symptoms are non-specific and could signal other issues. It’s also due to how physicians typically screen for iron deficiency: Historically, a hemoglobin test is ordered, which does not measure iron but does tell you if someone is anemic. Iron deficiency is just one of many possible causes of anemia, and even though it’s the most common cause, many patients with iron 

deficiency are missed by focusing on hemoglobin alone.






Also, more recent research suggests that one’s ferritin level might be a better indicator (ferritin shows how much iron is stored in the body). Problem is, there’s no consensus around what “normal” is. The World Health Organization sets its healthy range from 15 to 150 μg/l. But the lower limit varies significantly between labs and institutions and, in some instances, drops into the single digits. Weyand also notes that these intervals are based on the levels of “healthy” women volunteers. But a lot of these “healthy” women are iron-deficient themselves.


This frustration is one reason Weyand has become an advocate for getting people tested. (Check her out on X, formerly Twitter, @acweyand.) She is also working to change the diagnostic standard for iron deficiency, in large part because the condition doesn’t just cause crazy exhaustion.


There’s data on iron deficiency and restless leg syndrome, a condition women are more prone to, says Weyand. “Also, a lot of people are [now] talking about iron in your brain, because it’s a known factor for making things like serotonin and dopamine, which are involved with mood. I am not saying that everyone who has depression just needs iron, but there is probably a subset of patients that, if we corrected their iron, wouldn’t even need other things.”





Another aspect concerns menopausal women: Conventional wisdom suggests that they don’t lose iron, because they no longer have periods. But as Weyand points out, if their ferritin levels have been at 11 or 12 or 15 μg/l their whole lives and remain so, then they’re still going to be walking around wrung-out, freezing, lightheaded, and possibly drawn to chewing ice—one of those unusual cravings (some people crave chalk and even dirt) and a potential sign of iron deficiency.


Technically, these women are normal—and in menopause, physicians would likely be more concerned if patients had too much iron (because an excess is toxic) or internal bleeding (low iron levels can be a sign of colon cancer). “Don’t get me wrong,” says Weyand. “People need screening for colon cancer.” But for those who’ve had these symptoms, it might be worth having a conversation with your doctor and testing your ferritin levels, something Weyand says is not often done.




The situation is changing, however: In 2023, the International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics announced that women should be regularly tested for iron deficiency throughout their lives. There is also ongoing research to change the recommended minimum levels of ferritin, which would encourage treatment. That will take time, as some patients say they feel fine at 15 μg/l and others are a train wreck unless it’s over 50 μg/l.


Still, the good news is that iron deficiency is treatable: Doctors may recommend an over-the-counter iron supplement. (For patients who experience gastrointestinal issues like constipation or diarrhea, a common side effect of oral iron, they may suggest a prescription that takes that into account.) Weyand also prescribes iron via IV, which can wipe out a deficit, in some individuals and using certain formulations, in one fell swoop. She says this is the best route if doctors have identified and addressed the underlying issue, whether that’s heavy periods, a missing element in diet, or other issue (otherwise the deficiency will recur).






Another reason it’s important to talk to your doctor before taking supplements: In the U.S., about one in 300 non-Hispanic white people are carriers of a rogue gene that causes a condition called hereditary hemochromatosis, a.k.a. iron overload disorder. The rates are lower in other races and ethnicities. Some of the symptoms can be similar to someone suffering from low iron, but the long-term health consequences are serious. A blood test will determine if you’re one of the more than one million Americans affected.


Weyand sees a lot of adolescent patients who thought their exhaustion was due to high-pressure high school—they had no idea they didn’t need to be that tired. She’s also heard from adults on social media who message her saying, “It’s weird that I go into the doctor and say, ‘Well, I follow this hematologist on Twitter…’” But when they get the treatment they need, they DM back: “I feel like a new person!”









Friday, March 1, 2024

The Vagus Nerve: Everything Everywhere All at Once Meet—and boost—the superhighway of your nervous system, which regulates mood, digestion, immunity, and even sleep.

 term self-care is so overused, it has almost lost its meaning. And yet, people continue to seek solutions to the state of perpetual anxiety, tension, overwhelm, and exhaustion that seems to have become an unavoidable affliction of modern life. Whereas much of 20th-century psychotherapy focused almost exclusively on talk therapy and meds to mitigate symptoms of distress, 21st-century psychotherapy seems to be moving in a direction that takes the mind-body roll up—and more specifically “gut-brain” connection—into consideration. We are finally beginning to understand that in order to quiet our minds, we first have to quiet our bodies. Or said another way, in order to “self-regulate,” we need to get out of “fight-or-flight,” or the sympathetic nervous system, and into “rest-and-digest,” or the parasympathetic nervous system.




Which is where the vagus nerve, the rock star of your nervous system, comes in. Originating directly from the brain stem and branching down each side of the neck and into the abdomen, the ubiquitous vagus nerve connects to your neck, ears, chest, heart, lungs, and your digestive tract. As the key player of parasympathetic function that controls mood, immune response, digestion, and heart rate, it sends signals of safety or danger to all. Often referred to as an “information superhighway,” the longest and largest of the 12 cranial nerves is a two-way signal that picks up intel about the state of inner organs and delivers it to the brain and then sends a response from the brain stem back to the body, helping to regulate everything from sleep to inflammation.


Fight, flight, freeze, or refresh

Put a pin in that and turn your attention, just for a sec, to your autonomic (read: automatic) nervous system (ANS).


The ANS keeps everything running in our body without our having to think about it: The heart beats, the lungs breathe, all without our paying any attention. Over the course of human history, our ANS has developed three different modes, depending on what the situation calls for. Think of these as a traffic light, says Stephen Porges, PhD, researcher, professor of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and founder of the polyvagal theory. Together with his son, director, producer, and journalist Seth Porges, he authored Our Polyvagal World.




Fight-or-flight (yellow): If you’re in danger, your body shifts into a sympathetic state, diverting resources to the parts of your body needed for conflict. Your heart rate spikes, your hearing becomes more sensitive to low-frequency predator sounds, your digestion slows.

Rest-and-digest (green): Once you’re safe and everything’s hunky-dory, your ANS kicks into the parasympathetic state, shifting resources to help you repair and heal. Your heart rate slows, your lungs relax, your digestive system kicks back into gear, and you start engaging with trusted individuals.

Freeze-and-shut down (red): If you’re in the gravest of dangers, your body moves into a freeze state. Your body shuts down, and you disassociate from what’s happening. (In the animal world, this is playing dead.) This state isn’t part of the traditional model of the nervous system, but experts like the Porgeses have come to understand that it’s fundamental to our understanding of trauma.

Now, take note: None of these states is inherently bad. “Each of these states serves a really important purpose. The body is resilient, and we can handle long periods of pressure,” says Stephen Porges. “But we need time to turn off, to relax. It’s the ability to recover that many people have been robbed of, and our mental and physical health suffers.”




At the core of the polyvagal theory is this idea, say the Porgeses: “How safe we feel is crucial to our mental and physical health and happiness.”


Feelings of threat (and safety) are contagious

Our sense of safety can be highly influenced by the autonomic state of the people around us, what Seth Porges calls an “autonomic echo chamber. If we are around people who are projecting signals of threat, our nervous system gets the message that we’re in threat as well,” he explains. This is true not just on a micro level (friends and family) but on a macro level (culture and society).


“So many of us navigate the world constantly feeling unsafe. Of course we do. In many ways, the world is optimized to make us feel unsafe,” Seth Porges explains. “Things that are threatening are naturally engaging: When we feel threatened, we keep scrolling through social media, we keep watching cable news.”


According to the polyvagal theory, pretty much everything in our body changes depending on how safe our nervous system deems us to be. So what helps our nervous system make this determination?




You guessed it: the vagus nerve.


If your body is a car, then the vagus nerve is the brakes, and its function, explains Navaz Habib, functional health consultant and author of Upgrade Your Vagus Nerve, “is to slow things down, to encourage safety, and to enable a rest state.” But oftentimes, he adds, “we’re under so much stress, the accelerator is just constantly being pushed, and the brakes are ineffective.”


What it all boils down to, then, is figuring out how to get your vagus nerve in tiptop shape so it can effectively do its job—devoting resources to healing, growth, and recovery.


Building (vagal) nerves of steel

“Building vagal tone is like exercising your nervous system,” says Rebecca Kase, an EMDR trainer and consultant and author of Polyvagal-Informed EMDR. So, how to build what Kase calls “neurofitness”?


Kase, Habib, and the Porgeses offer advice, but all of them explain that these are not “Watch the stress melt away in seconds!” hacks. They are also not intended to keep your body set on “chill” mode perpetually.




“When you learn to regulate your neurobiology, it doesn't mean you’ll never be dysregulated. It means you’ll be more aware of when you’re moving into a dysregulated state,” says Kase. “The quicker you can identify it, the quicker you can respond. You’ll have less experience of feeling completely hijacked by your neurobiology.”


Ready to tone your vagus nerve? Start with these ideas:


Spend time with someone who makes you feel good

The single most effective way to shift your body into the rest-and-digest state is a positive social encounter. “Social interaction is a vagal trigger,” explains Stephen Porges. “It’s a way for our bodies to broadcast and receive signals of safety with others.”


There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some people feel most at ease at a loud bar, dancing in a group, while other people feel safe and engaged with a friend on a front porch. “There is universality about what makes us feel safe, but there are also differences,” explains Seth Porges.




The beauty part of social interaction? It’s mutually beneficial. “The function of social interaction is really co-regulation,” Stephen Porges explains.


Breathe! It’s magic

In this deeply divided world, there’s only one thing everyone agrees on: Deep breathing improves almost everything.


“Our breath is the main driver of autonomic function,” says Habib. “When we breathe in a less than optimal fashion, using chest muscles, upper back and neck, we’re sending signals to our body via the vagus nerve that we are not safe.”


When you slow your breathing, using your diaphragm, and extending your exhalations, your body will get the message that everything is copacetic and shift to rest-and-digest mode.


You know how in meditation, you’re guided to make your exhale longer than your inhale? That’s because of respiratory sinus arrhythmia, which Habib explains is just a fancy way of saying that when you inhale, your heart rate speeds up, and when you exhale, it slows down.




Habib’s favorite breathing exercise is: Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, exhale for a count of eight. (If you just tried this and felt like you were asphyxiating, rest assured: I did, too. You might try: Inhale for three, exhale for six.)


Do this twice a day, morning and evening, for three to five minutes each.


Try this humdinger

You know that lovely, relaxing feeling you get when you “Ohmmmmm” during yoga? There’s science behind it.


“The laryngeal muscles, which surround and tighten the vocal cords, are innervated by the vagus nerve,” explains Habib. So humming, chanting, and singing will activate these muscles, and in doing so, stimulate your vagus nerve. Plus, Habib adds, when you’re humming, chanting, or singing, you’re typically engaging in a longer exhalation.


Get a massage for your eardrums

Music triggers all sorts of emotions and thoughts that can have therapeutic value. But on a foundational level, the vibrations of calm, soothing music resonating in our eardrum activates the vagus nerve.





Habib says, “The Mozart effect is real. Classical music tends to have a more powerful effect than non-classical music.”


For extra credit, hum along.


Take the (cold) plunge

In addition to the anti-inflammatory effects of cryotherapy on the surface of the body, Habib says, there’s benefit to the vagus nerve, which comes from using breath control under extreme temperatures. “When most people get into a cold tub or shower, they immediately go into a sympathetic state—our breath is shallow and quick, our muscles tense up,” Habib explains. Sounds like the opposite of what we’re aiming for, right?


No, because the temporary experience of heightened tension actually helps you practice what Habib calls “conscious mindful release of that tension.” It’s a “hormetic response.” Habib says, “You’re putting yourself temporarily in a stressful scenario but learning how to bring yourself out of it, using the breath.”





Alex Elle reflects on a moment of insight about herself and her mother in this excerpt from her book How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free.

 My friend Erika and I sat around a wooden table in the farmhouse we had rented for the weekend. We’d been talking about our lives and the many transitions happening for us in motherhood, partnership, and work. She was separated from her husband. I was struggling with being home every single day during the pandemic. Over dinner and a glass of wine, we talked about it all: the good, the bad, the changes, and the struggles. I remember thinking there was something healing about the nonjudgmental safety net of sisterhood. It felt so nice to have uninterrupted girl time.




As the conversation progressed from our current lives to our childhoods, it felt right to start baking the peach cobbler I’d been making for a month straight. I had been raving to Erika about this dessert all day—both of us were excited to dig in.


I hadn’t always been interested in cooking. As a kid, the kitchen wasn’t a fun place for me. Messes weren’t encouraged at my home, and I was more in the way than anything else. From afar I would watch my mom bake and cook. For many years, cooking felt more like a forbidden activity than a chance to be creative and even free. Later, when I was in my early twenties, a close friend taught me how to stop overthinking it and instead taste and feel my way around the kitchen. Looking back, that was one of my first adult lessons on self-trust: to not know what I was doing and try anyway.



Now, as an adult who loves to bake, especially alongside my children, I’ve found a lot of healing and plain old fun in making messes, flour dusting my clothes, sugar sweetening the countertops. When the timer went off for the cobbler, Erika and I rushed to the oven. The cobbler was the perfect hue of golden brown, and the sugar had caramelized beautifully. We both could see the butter bubbling like mini eruptions under the crust.




I was so excited about how good it looked, I took a photo and sent an enthusiastic text to my mom and grandmother to display my homemade creation.


In response, my mom wrote back, “Your cooking is improving… ”


“My cooking is improving?” I replied. “I’ve been cooking and baking for years. I have a whole family to cook for—this isn’t a new thing.”


The conversation went silent after that.


I was so frustrated with myself for sending them that message. At that moment, I thought, Of course my mom can never just say, “Alex, that’s nice!” or “Great job! How did it taste?” Even a simple “Yum!” would suffice. Everything she says always has to be something that would leave me questioning myself.


I looked up from my phone with tears in my eyes, feeling both hurt and foolish for being hurt. How could the text exchange warrant such a big and emotional response? But it was huge for me. Erika asked me what was wrong, and I started sobbing.


She wrapped me in a hug. “It’s okay, babe,” she said in her warm, loving voice.




When I got myself together, we talked about it. I tried to explain how discredited I felt every time I did something, big or small. And even though I’d done so much work on my relationship, especially the relationship with my mother, certain interactions—even a short text message—still sent me spiraling backward.


More than anything, I was frustrated with myself that I hadn’t yet gotten to a point of accepting that certain things will always be what they are. Starting from scratch time and time again, just like the baking I love to do, was frustrating rather than rewarding.


Worse, I knew what I had to do I could either make peace with the reality of my circumstances or continue putting myself in situations where I expect different results, yet know that I won’t get them. This doesn’t make me or my mother good or bad; it just means that certain things may not change—and that we are different. I was the one with the issue. My mother wasn’t suffering like I was. She had no clue that that exchange hurt me and ruined my night.




As Ericka dug into our warm dessert, topped with ice cream, and ate it all in one sitting, I realized that so many tender bits of our lives may surface at any given moment, and that backtracking is a part of healing sometimes. There is nothing wrong with having to start from scratch, time and time again. Yes, that can sound exhausting. And a little corny. But I wasn’t alone. I had a friend. I had time. And I had cobbler.




Author’s Note

My reflection: I wrote How We Heal to remind people that healing is possible, even on our darkest days. It doesn’t look pretty, it’s not always easy, and it can leave us feeling flustered. My hope is that readers own their truth and learn what healing looks like for them and their journeys. Each of us is on a different path—grief and healing come in waves. They are not one size fits all. I also think it’s important for folks to celebrate the micro-moments of joy that emerge when they’re in the thick of their tenderness. How We Heal is an invitation to uncover our truth, set ourselves free, and be a vessel for community care.


Thursday, February 29, 2024

Bras for Large Busts That Offer All-Day Comfort and Support Every shape and every budget included

 The good news? Comfortable, flattering, and just plain pretty bras for large busts bras do exist. In fact, more brands are embracing every body, so there have never been better options available for fuller figures than there are today. For some useful tips on how to find the perfect-fitting bra, we tapped Holly Wilson, Soma’s VP of design, for her expert advice. “A good-quality bra will fit comfortably from the minute you put it on, provide all-day support, and hold its appearance over many wears and washings,”





The most important element of support in a bra comes from the fit and comfort of the band and cups,” Wilson further explains. “When the cups fit your shape and support appropriately, there is no digging, gapping, or sagging. The right band fit is essential, as it provides the most important support feature, and can determine how much support your bust gets from the bra.”





Once your bra arrives, try it on and keep an eye on the following fit notes: “If your bra fits on the middle hook, it's perfect; that means you have room to loosen or tighten it slightly based on your body’s natural changes during the month,” advises Wilson. “The cups should fit smoothly on the breast with no gaps or digging. The center front should lie flat against your rib cage. The underwire should not poke, pinch, or rest on your breast tissue. Adjust your straps so they stay in place and sit comfortably. They should not dig into your shoulders.”


With that guidance in mind, we've curated the best plus-size bras and bras for large busts for every shape and budget. Whether you’re in the market for an everyday bra that offers max coverage, a wireless style that provides the perfect amount of lift, a workout-friendly sports bra for big busts, or an affordable Amazon bestseller (hello, $12), our picks won't let you—or your girls—down.





This years-in-the-making bra from Soma will be unlike any you've ever tried. To account for the natural size changes that your breasts go through (whether due to your period, weight gain, pregnancy, etc.), the brand innovated a style that adapts to your body. "Bodify features a patent-pending Flexicup and Floataway wire construction that offers additional flexibility, natural lift, and stay-put straps that enhance the fit of the bra to work with your unique body shape," explains Wilson. Sounds like our new go-to in the lingerie drawer!


Sizes: 32B - 44H




Let us count the reasons why this is the number one bestselling plus-size bra on Amazon: full cups with a structural frame for ample coverage (especially for those with heavier busts), side and back support to smooth away bulging, no-dig cushioned straps, and it's wireless. You might want this one in a few colors.


Sizes: 32 C - 54 DDD





Available in nine shades of nudes and through size 4X, this full-coverage double-layered bra is silky and supportive. It comes with smoothing adjustable straps, comfy cushioned underwire, and wide wings that perfectly smooth your back and sides.


Sizes: 30A - 44H





Favorite Things-featured brand Girlfriend Collective is celebrated for its stylish and sustainable styles (each piece is made from recycled plastic bottles), as well as extended size ranges. Its high-support sports bra offers its famous compression that makes you feel secure without being too tight. It is not only double-lined for full coverage but also offers adjustable, soft elastic straps and an adjustable hook-and-eye support band for your perfect fit.


Sizes: XXS - 6XL





Designed with thin hybrid memory foam to provide softness inside and support outside, this full-coverage T-shirt bra molds to your unique shape. The adjustable straps also have memory foam, so they never dig into your skin.


Sizes: 34D - 44E



This comfy polyester, nylon, and spandex bra has double back-wrap panels that conform to your curves for ultimate support.


Sizes: 38 D - 46 H



Designed to prevent digging, Cacique's best-selling, back-smoothing silhouette provides a smooth foundation to any outfit. Lightweight, molded cups add coverage, while adjustable straps and a non-underwire band provide maximum support.


Sizes: 32B - 56K




When it comes to wardrobe foundations, you can't go wrong with best-in-class layers from Spanx. You'll want this easy reversible bra for quiet days lounging at home. It's wireless and seamless, and the ribbed under-band ensures that it won't roll up.


Sizes: XS - 3X




This sleek, elegant bra—which goes up to cup size O and band size 50—features three-part unlined cups and adjustable straps that won't slip. It's wire-free and has wide and adjustable front and back straps.


Sizes: 34H - 50H




This bra was specifically made with a crisscross power mesh back for posture support. The soft cups and front closure make it easy to put on and keep your breasts from overflowing.


Sizes: 32C - 44DDD





Spacer bras are constructed with lightweight, breathable foam material that keeps you cool and comfy. This bestselling Wacoal number has cups that round out your shape and offers separation between the girls. It comes in a range of sizes and colors.


Sizes: 32C - 44DDD




If you love the idea of a wireless bra but are afraid it won't provide enough support, this bestselling Lively style has your name on it. The wider band offers some lift, and a "hidden inner sling" provides the coverage that other bralettes may not. Plus, the soft modal fabric is lightweight for all day wear.


Sizes: 32A - 38DDD




Leopard print makes this full-coverage nylon and spandex bra with underwire a bit more fun. Power mesh wings lift for shape while smoothing at the sides and back.


Sizes: 32 G - 46 H




Rihanna's Savage X Fenty collection of inclusive lingerie boasts sexy yet comfortable styles, like this showstopper semi-sheer underwire balconette bra.


Sizes: 30A - 46H




Worried about the dreaded side spillage? This bestselling Knix style takes care of that with the higher side wings. Plus, it's wireless—though you wouldn't know it from the incredible amount of support it provides, courtesy of the molded cups and stretch material.


Sizes: 34G - 40H



This longline bra is so sweet, thanks to the floral lace and diamond mesh. It also has underwire, so you get as much lift and support as a regular T-shirt bra, and back hooks in case you want to convert it to a racerback style. It comes in an extended range of sizes


Sizes: 34G - 40H
















EMDR Therapy Helped Me Recover from Sexual Assault A writer set aside her skepticism about this healing eye-movement practice and never looked back.

 Relax your eyes and let them follow the tip of my finger.” I tried not to feel self-conscious as I focused on the therapist’s finger as it swayed slowly back and forth in front of my face. In a snug little office in a London townhouse, she’d repositioned the armchairs so that we were close together, facing each other. A lamp glowed on her desk, and outside the window, late summer rain fell on the green leaves of a London plane tree.





It was 2019, and I’d never heard of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) before. I’d dabbled with talk therapy at various junctures in my life but had never really found someone I connected with. This one was new to me, and I’d been skeptical when she first suggested it as a treatment for my post-traumatic stress disorder.


“That sounds a little woo-woo,” I told her when she described the process, which would entail recalling a traumatic memory—in my case, a recent sexual assault—while my eyes tracked her finger. This “bilateral movement” would allow my brain to reprocess the memory, lessening the visceral reaction it had caused in me.


She smiled her wide, toothy smile. “I know it sounds a bit ‘out there’—like I’m just going to wave my hand in front of your face and you’ll feel better—but I can assure you it’s extensively researched and evidence-based.” She told me the method’s unusual origin story: In the late 1980s, a New York–born psychologist named Francine Shapiro was walking along a tree-lined park path, thinking about some particularly painful memories. As she walked, her eyes flitted back and forth, and she was struck by a sudden realization that the pain of the memories felt somehow lessened.




Shapiro went on to create a new form of therapy based on her experience in the park that day. Despite initial skepticism in the scientific community, study after study demonstrated the therapy’s beneficial outcomes. Since 2016, EMDR has been used to successfully treat more than seven million people in 130 countries. Over 30 randomized clinical trials (the gold standard in research) have shown it to be a highly effective treatment, and it’s recommended by the American Psychological Association, International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, and World Health Organization as a treatment for PTSD. One notable study by Bessel van der Kolk, MD, author of The Body Keeps the Score, showed it to be better than Prozac in treating trauma symptoms.


By the time I’d made it to the therapist’s office, I was feeling so awful, I was willing to try anything. At first, my PTSD diagnosis had sat uncomfortably with me—in my mind, it was for soldiers or survivors of a mass shooting. I felt strangely resistant, as if my trauma wasn’t enough.




But the symptoms had undeniably taken over my life. Each morning, I’d wake at 5 a.m. and sit bolt upright, filled with an unnamable but all-consuming dread. At night, I had violent nightmares, seemingly on loop, that woke me up whimpering and with a thumping heart.


AT FIRST, MY PTSD DIAGNOSIS HAD SAT UNCOMFORTABLY WITH ME—IN MY MIND, IT WAS FOR SOLDIERS OR SURVIVORS OF A MASS SHOOTING. I FELT STRANGELY RESISTANT, AS IF MY TRAUMA WASN’T ENOUGH.




Taking the Tube (London’s subway system) had become a waking nightmare. I couldn’t bear being close to other passengers. My whole body would tense up until I was totally rigid, and I would inevitably get off several stops early just to avoid the feeling that someone could touch me at any moment. Had I always swerved to the other side of the sidewalk or crossed the road whenever a lone man approached in the distance? It seemed impossible to remember—my carefree self from before the assault was a stranger now, a character from a half-forgotten book.


I started wearing my computer glasses, with their blue-light-filtering, non-corrective lenses, at all times, feeling as if I needed a buffer between myself and the world. I stopped wearing my trademark red lipstick because I didn’t want to be noticed.


And then there were the spiraling thoughts. The slightest trigger would send me down warrens of obsessive thinking: What could I have done differently to prevent this from happening? How could I ever be safe again? How could anyone? And thoughts about the perpetrator: Would this stop him from doing this to other women? Would he seek revenge now that I’d reported him?




There were other thoughts, too. Unwelcome, complicated, guilty thoughts. Making a complaint about the sexual assault had thrown me into utter turmoil. I was raised to keep my head below the parapet, and had done my best to avoid confrontation my whole life. Suddenly, I was at the center of a storm I had no part in making. Wild thoughts spun in my head. What if he killed himself—would it be my fault?


These symptoms—hypervigilance, rumination, guilt—are all common hallmarks of PTSD, according to Rebecca Kase, a licensed clinical social worker and a trauma therapist whose EMDR training and consulting company Kase & Co has trained 7,000 therapists. “PTSD is not just about trauma,” she explained when I reached out to her for insights. “It’s about experiences that overwhelm the nervous system to a point that your brain cannot integrate that memory in an adaptive way. When that happens, we have symptoms—just like if you eat too much food and you overwhelm your digestive tract, you have indigestion. The same thing kind of happens to our neurobiology: When things feel overwhelming, we can’t really metabolize them or digest them. The outcome is symptoms of PTSD.”




IT’S A COMMON EXPERIENCE FOR PEOPLE TO MOVE FROM SADNESS AND SHOCK INTO ANGER AND RAGE.

Kase first discovered EMDR more than 20 years ago when working at a rape crisis center. She was astonished by the positive results the therapy could bring. “I found that clients were saying, ‘It just doesn’t hurt anymore,’ because it really gets to the root of the wounds that other therapies can’t reach,” she said. “For example, cognitive behavioral therapy is about learning skills to regulate or put Band-Aids on, whereas EMDR feels like true healing without the need for Band-Aids or constant self-regulation. The research shows that after a successful round of EMDR, symptoms are greatly improved—and they continue to improve over time.”





Despite all the studies, neuroscientists still don’t know exactly why or how EMDR works. But Kase says this isn’t particularly surprising. “We don’t know how any therapy works; we don’t even know how Prozac works,” she told me. “But the hypothesis is that when you’re focusing on that incident from the past and you’re also trying to focus on the bilateral stimulation, it taxes your memory. It’s believed that taxing your memory system in this way breaks the intensity of the memory. The distraction gives your nervous system the kind of the bandwidth it needs to actually integrate the previously maladaptively stored memory.”


Before beginning EMDR, my therapist guided me through two preparation sessions, where she explained the process in depth and worked through my personal history. She also helped me hone in on a set of the most triggering memories. Then we began EDMR itself. During each 60-minute session, we’d focus on just one painful memory we’d identified. I was surprised at how little I had to describe the memories themselves—it was enough for the therapist to just touch on the memory, with some prompts about how I was feeling at that moment. My job was to focus intently on the traumatic recollection, while watching her finger move back and forth.





Since Shapiro’s discovery in the ’80s, EMDR has evolved beyond simple eye movements. Some practitioners now use tapping on alternate legs or shoulders, vibrating buzzers that switch between hands, or tones that echo in each ear. My therapist had me cross my arms over my chest and lightly tap each shoulder in rhythm with my eye movements. Another core component was reframing my key feelings about myself in the traumatic memory. In my case, my key feeling was I am so powerless. Each week, we would spend some time changing this to I am safe, and I am in control.


Week by week, I felt my symptoms lessen a little. Although EMDR has been touted as “emotional healing at warp speed,” and I could feel a shift happening, there was no denying it was hard work. Like any type of therapy, it was challenging and emotional working through painful memories. Still, by the time I finished eight weeks of EMDR, my nightmares had stopped and the rumination had slowed to a manageable level, as had the hypervigilance that had made getting on the Tube so hard.





But I had moved into a new stage: anger. I asked Kase if that meant I hadn’t had enough sessions, or if it hadn’t worked properly. She reassured me that feelings of fury are a normal part of the healing process: “It’s a common experience for people to move from sadness and shock into anger and rage. It’s a sign you’re healing in the right direction, because when you feel all that overwhelm and victimization, you’re stuck in a state of collapse. Neurobiologically speaking, that’s the real bottom rung in the ladder of your autonomic nervous system—the natural upward progression is to move into a state of feeling pissed. Anger is not always a bad thing; it gets us up off the couch, motivated to do things in our life.”


By the time I left my therapist’s office for the final time, the leaves of the London plane tree outside were yellow and scattered on the ground, and I felt myself coming back to myself. Four years later, my resounding feeling is that EMDR helped me enormously at one of the darkest times of my life. But it’s impossible to know how I would be feeling now had I not had it, or how much of my healing is tied to the passage of time. These days, I do still think about what happened to me, and I do still feel some anger. But it’s no longer all-consuming. Most of the time, I don’t feel afraid or in pain anymore.






I didn’t know it at the time, but Francine Shapiro died just a few months before I started the therapy she created. Sometimes I think about her walking along that tree-lined path, the day she had her breakthrough. I think about the fight she faced to get EMDR recognized and studied, and I think about what a beautiful thing she has left us with.





Birthday Gifts for Your Sister—No Matter What Age She’ll Be

 Be sure to keep in mind your sister's personality, style, hobbies, and stage of life. Is she a new mom in need of some quiet moments to pamper herself? Does she love health, wellness, beauty, travel, fashion, or cooking? There are plenty of options if you're doing some last-minute shopping, too. And don't forget about those milestone birthdays—hello, 21, 30, 50 etc.—she deserves some extra TLC during those big celebrations, so consider rounding up a few products to create the ultimate b-day bundle, if you can!


Whether you're looking to splurge or stay on budget, you'll find something perfect among these 26 gifts that range in price. Ahead, you'll find something for every type of woman, including a bunch of Oprah's Favorite Things.





Some days I need to do full glam—other days, a one-and-done stick like this can be a lifesaver," Oprah said when picking this item for her Favorite Things 2023 List. "Creamy matte colors that are easy to blend on cheeks and swipe on lips—and work on all skin tones? 




I chose a Lollia bubble bath—my absolute favorite—two decades ago, and I still have the original bottle by my tub,” Oprah said when picking this item for her Favorite Things 2023 List. “This year’s White Amber & Mirabelle offering is just as luxurious—and comes in bath salts, too.”




Give her a hand-poured soy wax candle that represents her birth month and is crafted with specific birthstones, flowers, and more. For example, this July candle (pictured) features larkspur and ruby. Each candle should burn for 60 to 80 hours. An elegant gift she's sure to enjoy.




Capture the special bond you have with your sister with this picture frame and sisters poem combo. The hinged paulownia wood frame has space for a photo of your choice on one side, and features a special poem on the other. It can be hung up using the attached hooks or displayed standing on its own, and also comes in gray and black




If she loves nothing more than cozying on the couch and watching a good movie, this throw would be an ideal gift. “You’ll reach for this throw during the in-between seasons," Oprah said when selecting this snuggly gift for her Favorite Things 2023 List. "Not too heavy or too light, not too big or too small (51 inches by 67 inches), and not too expensive—it’s the Goldilocks option.”





Cake for a birthday is pretty much a given, but you can be more unique with this box of 25 bite-size cupcakes. The set comes in different versions, like vegan, gluten-free, and more. But what about all those mouthwatering flavors? Here's a sampling: cookies & cream, red velvet, vanilla fluff, gluten-free tie-dye, vegan maple cinnamon bun, and white chocolate hot cocoa.





For the wine-loving sisters, this wine chiller will be a pleaser. After putting this handy device's chill cradle in the freezer for a minimum of three hours, she will enjoy cool, crisp wine without the need of clunky metal or plastic tumblers.


Glassware not included.




The fashionista in your life will adore this unique find from 8 Other Reasons—she may not have anything like it yet! Made from marled resin, this green mini purse has a magnetic clasp and one space for items. It'll certainly be a head-turning accessory when she's out and about.






Give her the gift of a hug when you're not around to physically do it yourself, by way of a weighted blanket. This seven-layer, 15-pound weighted blanket comes in soft flannel fabric and measures 48" x 72". (It's also available in a 60" x 80" size.) Made to feel like a reassuring hug, it contains nontoxic premium ceramic beads and comes in a variety of other colors, as well.





By her 40th birthday, chances are she's accumulated plenty of jewelry and likely could use some help organizing it all. This jewelry storage armoire measures 21.6" x 61", can turn a full 360°, and has a whopping 211 spaces for earrings and rings. It can be locked for security, and has a mirror on the outside and on the inside.






Sometimes those you love the most don't care for themselves as well as they could, which is exactly why you should give your sister a monthly subscription that treats her to wellness goodies. With three-month and six-month options, she'll have a variety of gifts to enjoy.





These four 375 ml cold-pressed olive oils—Ardor Chili Olive Oil, Lucid Lemon Olive Oil, Rosette Garlic Olive Oil, and Arise R Basil Olive Oil—will make her culinary endeavors burst with flavor. The striking labels in this set were created by artist B.D. Graft, artist Marleigh Culver, artist and fashion designer Peter Som, and multimedia artist Lilian Martinez.





If your sister could do with a little pampering and self-care, then this soothing skincare set is a done deal. Described as a "two-week introductory set," this kit is perfect for those with sensitive skin and eczema. It comes with five cruelty-free products: The Camellia Cleansing Oil, The Essence, The Silk Peony, Indigo Overnight Repair, and The Rice Polish: Calming. This set also comes in versions tailored to other skin types: combo to dry, combo to oily, and dry to mature.





Searching for a practical travel gift that she can put in her bag? Weighing 1.4 pounds, this compact iron and steamer with six fabric heat settings is super functional. She'll be able to quickly iron both sides of her clothes at once, and steam items for a maximum of 10 minutes. Plus, if this device is idle for that same amount of time, it'll turn off by itself.





This striking gold-tone plated necklace is certainly splurge-worthy. It features octagon-cut pink crystals and a lobster clasp. You also have the option to get it gift wrapped and include a personalized note. You should never have to spend a fortune to make her happy, but this necklace can't hurt (if it's within your budget)!





Crafted in Italy, this acrylic blanket scarf is as stylish as it is functional. If your sister travels a lot, she'll appreciate this on chilly early flights. She can wear it with flair around her neck and drape it around her shoulders when the plane's AC kicks in. The leopard print comes in natural, gray, and ivory. You can also make it extra special and add an embroidered monogram.





Quickly share photos straight to this wifi-powered frame. Email photos to a Skylight email address or through the free app, and voilà! Thanks to Gift Mode, you can also add pictures before they open the box. The images also rotate if you move the frame vertically or horizontally. This item is available in black, white, gold, and silver.






These handmade, edible cookie shot cups are a festive way to celebrate her birthday. Each kit comes with six made from cookies in some of these flavors: red velvet, double chocolate, chocolate chip, and churro. Just warm the cups in the microwave for seven to 10 seconds. Sprinkles, chocolate wafers, and other edible decorations are also included.






Could this be her new signature scent? When it comes to gifts, you can't go wrong with this lush, floral fragrance from Jo Malone. The top note is red apple, the heart note is peony, and the base note is suede. The bottle comes in three sizes—0.3 oz, 1 oz, and 3.4 oz—and arrives in a gift box, complete with a ribbon.





bottle of 60 vegan fiber gummies with clinically tested actives will help support her gut. All she has to do is take three a day. They're made without any artificial sweeteners or synthetic colors, and contain vitamins A and C, prebiotic fiber, chlorophyll, celery juice powder, and more.





just grab a pair of these for your sister and a pair for yourself. "Some days you need your slippers to go the distance, like from the house to the mailbox," Oprah said when selecting this gift for her Favorite Things 2022 list. "With quilted nylon on the outside and memory foam insoles, this plush pair, perfect for both moms and dads, makes it feel like you’re walking on a cloud."




“If someone on your list thinks instant gratification takes too long, consider this throwback camera—you can shoot up to 100 images on one charge, printing directly from the camera or from your phone’s camera roll, using the company’s app. Terrific for your next party!




wouldn't love this snuggly robe from Barefoot Dreams? Chosen as one of Oprah's Favorite Things in 2021, it's the perfect item to put on after a long commute home from work, or while relaxing on a weekend. This hooded, machine-washable garment features a waist tie and sleeves with jacquard detail. It comes in three sizes and various colors.





her to a night (or day) of pampering with this skin renewing face mask. This vegan mask with ingredients like echinacea, fruit acids, snow mushroom extract, bentonite, kaolin, and more. This clay mask—which you keep on for just 15 minutes—is meant to be used three times a week, according to the retailer. Pair the mask with a bottle of wine for an easy yet thoughtful gift.




like her 50th, consider gifting your sis something that'll help her zero in on what she truly wants—and how to make it happen. She'll be off to a great start with this set, which includes: Oprah's "The Life You Want" Planner, “The Life You Want” Daily Inspiration Cards!, and Oprah’s “The Life You Want” Love and Happiness Journal.





Birthdays are always a time to get personal, and what is more personal than someone's name? This hypoallergenic nameplate necklace can showcase up to nine characters. It's crafted with gold-plated sterling silver and features a lobster clasp. The chain comes in several styles, and the lettering in three fonts. She'll be excited to put it on!



Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Here's how to live like a king in 2024, whatever that means to you

 Analyze your money psychology

Before we start tackling our bank balances, Sethi says we need to examine and try to shift our deeply entrenched views about money, many of which took root in childhood. Maybe you feel bad about spending extravagantly, or maybe you worry so much about not having enough that you rarely treat yourself. But money shouldn’t be a source of overwhelming guilt.




MOST OF US THINK ABOUT MONEY ONLY IN TERMS OF RESTRICTION, GUILT, AND FEELING OVERWHELMED.

The biggest money script that holds people back is feeling that they have no control over it, says Sethi, who helps his clients realize that “money is not something that happens to me. I can take control. I can make a debt payoff plan. I can invest.” Another common thing he sees is people feeling clueless. “Money involves a few new terms, but it’s just like learning to drive—you’re learning some new terms and skills. It’s not that complicated, and anyone can become very good at it.” The first step could be as simple as listening to money podcasts at the gym or on your commute—we like Black Girl Finance, by Selina Flavius, Financial Feminist, by Tori Dunlap, or Sethi’s own I Will Teach You to Be Rich.




TOO MANY PEOPLE UNDEREMPHASIZE MONEY PSYCHOLOGY AND OVERESTIMATE MATH.

Sethi believes that overcoming our ingrained money beliefs is essential. “Too many people underemphasize money psychology and overestimate math,” he says. “In reality, you should be spending as much time studying your own money beliefs as you do setting up your investment accounts.” Try this exercise: Jot down all your money beliefs that spring to mind, and pick the four worst offenders. Then make it a four-week project to flip the script, one belief per week. If you need support, you can try the Unblocked Money manifesting workshop by To Be Magnetic.




Crunch your numbers

According to Sethi, there are just four key numbers to focus on when you look at your monthly spending. “You really do not need to know how much you spent on asparagus last month,” he says. This is his breakdown of where your take-home pay should go; looking closely at past statements will give you a sense of your current breakdown and what you need to adjust:


50 to 60 percent should go to fixed costs. That includes your mortgage or rent, car payments, gas, groceries, and any debt repayments.

5 to 10 percent should go to savings. Sethi recommends setting up these payments to automatically transfer into a high-yield savings account.

10 percent should go into investments. More on this below.

The good news: You’ll have 20 to 35 percent left to spend guilt-free. “That’s a lot of money, right?” says Sethi. “Once you’re hitting your numbers, you don’t need to feel bad about eating out or buying something nice for yourself.”



Treat yourself to what you love

Put your spreadsheets and receipts aside and ask yourself this simple question: What do you enjoy spending money on? “Most of us think about money only in terms of restriction, guilt, and feeling overwhelmed,” says Sethi. He recommends figuring out what you most like to spend on and giving yourself permission to “spend extravagantly on that and cut costs mercilessly on what you don’t.” For example, if fancy fitness classes or monthly facials make you feel happy and energized, don’t skimp on them, but cut back in another area.


Think of debt like a game

A game you are destined to win, that is. “Ninety percent of people who are in debt don’t know exactly how much debt they have, and 95 percent don’t know when their debt will be paid off,” says Sethi. “That’s why it feels like such a burden—because we don’t know when it’s ever going to end. But there’s almost always a light at the end of the tunnel.”




First things first: Pull your head out of the sand and write down everything you owe, including all the interest rates: credit card balances, your mortgage, student loans, the whole gamut. Next, plug the numbers—and the amounts you can pay off each month for each—into an online debt repayment calculator (there are plenty of free ones, like this one from Credit Karma). “No matter what you plug in, you can see when you will be debt-free,” says Sethi. You can play around with numbers to see how much more quickly you could be debt-free by paying off just a little extra each month. “You’ll realize that you have a lot more control than you thought. For example, if you pay an extra $100 a month to your mortgage, you can often shave off years.”


Be the sheep of Wall Street

“Investing is where true wealth is created,” says Sethi. In I Will Teach You to Be Rich, he highlights that if you were to pay $20 a week into an investment fund it would most likely be worth $15,672 in a decade.



But many of us find investing alarming at best. We’ve all heard horror stories about a friend who invested in a tech start-up after a “hot tip” from their nephew over Thanksgiving dinner, only to lose their shirt. Rather than doing constant research and investing in individual stocks and shares, Sethi recommends choosing a low-cost index fund. For those new to investing, this means a set of investments passively managed (meaning the money isn’t moved around frequently) by a professional money manager. You’ll pay a small fee to this manager, but make sure it’s fixed and not a percentage of your investment. “If you pay 1 percent in fees to a financial adviser, that means that over the course of your lifetime, you’ll pay 28 percent of your lifetime returns in fees,” warns Sethi.


This style of investing is a much safer bet than investing in individual stocks, which can be more volatile—meaning you’ll end up with something far more valuable than dollars: peace of mind




slick, but he knows a thing or two about the subject. Coming from a middle-class background, he started investing his scholarship money into the stock market while at Stanford. Although he initially lost money, the sharp learning curve led him to start the blog I Will Teach You to Be Rich, which evolved into a successful money coaching program of the same name. The course inspired a New York Times bestselling book, and Sethi recently starred in the surprisingly bingeable Netflix show How to Get Rich, in which he transforms the money woes of regular families. Think of him as a no-nonsense money Marie Kondo, here to clean up your personal finances.



But what exactly does he mean by a rich life, and what would it look like to you? Sethi says the answer will be different for everyone. “It could be traveling for two months a year, it could be buying a beautiful cashmere coat, or it could be picking up your kids from school every afternoon,” he says. “By the age of 40, money is the primary worry for most people, and yet the vast majority have never read a single book about personal finance. Most of us can take control of our money in about six weeks: You can get the right accounts, you can set up your investments to be automatic, and you can even give yourself a very generous amount of money to spend guilt-free every month. But nobody’s going to do it for you.” Ready to take control? Here’s Sethi’s five-point plan.




Sex therapist, author, and podcast host Emily Morse is on a mission to liberate the conversation around sex and pleasure—and one of the surest ways to do that is to bust commonly believed myths. After all, misinformation can be a serious intimacy roadblock. Recently, the sexologist sat down with Oprah Daily to review some of the most common myths she sees holding people back in the bedroom. Watch the video above or check out what she has to say about some of those myths below.

 Myth: Masturbating or using toys is a betrayal of my partner.

“People are jealous of their partners’ toys all the time. But listen: Toys can’t cuddle. They can’t take you to the farmers’ market on a Sunday. I’ve never seen anyone leave their partner for a sex toy, so let’s just let that one go—and maybe use a sex toy with your partner. Fun for everybody!"


Myth: Sex is pleasurable only if there’s an orgasm.

“This is so not true. Good sex has to do with connection, touch, and intimacy. Pleasure is less about one specific destination; pleasure is about the whole entire journey. The couples who have healthy, honest conversations about their sex life report greater relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. In other words: The more you talk about it, the better sex you’re going to have.”


Myth: Everyone wants the same thing in bed.

“A lot of the challenges we have from sex is that we don’t really know what gets us in the mood, and then we feel bad that we’re not in the mood. Let’s normalize the fact that it actually takes work and a little bit of personal understanding. I want us to stop beating ourselves up for not being spontaneous and ready to go. The more work you can do in understanding when you feel the most relaxed and in your body, then you can crack the code for when you’re ready for sex and what feels good.”





Unique Gifts for Women Who Seem to Have Everything She won’t be expecting these thoughtful picks.

 Whether you're shopping for your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, best friend, grandmother, or third cousin, we’ve got something in store for her. From a fully assembled cheese and charcuterie board to a compact steamer, and even a make-your-own hot sauce kit, these are the presents you wouldn’t initially think to gift your favorite lady. Think of these ideas as hidden gems that break the mold of traditional gift-giving. So what are you waiting for? There’s no time like the present to shop for one. Keep reading to check out the 45 best gifts for women for all the occasions to come.





Is she someone who works hard and is forever busy with her hands? Treat her to this oh-so-relaxing hand massager that's petite and portable. With finger kneading, air compression, palm heating, and wrist pressing, it's a completely unnecessary (but necessary) indulgence she'll absolutely love.





Gals on the go need gear that can keep up with their busy lifestyle, and this bottle holder-meets-purse does just that. The insulated crossbody has an exterior pouch for all the essentials (think a phone, a few credit cards, chapstick) and an interior pouch that can fit her water bottle (or any other sip that's around 3.5 inches in diameter). It's the perfect way to go hands-free on her next hike or quest for 10,000 steps.




A classic crossbody bag from Lululemon is always a good choice, especially if she loves to workout or is constantly running errands. Choose from a selection of chic shades—including timeless cream and icy blue—for a version that feels the most like her. Bonus: The strap on this beauty adjusts to be a shoulder bag, too.




Calling all beauty fans! If your favorite lady is constantly trying the latest and greatest in skincare and beauty treatments, she'll go wild over this new device from TheraFace. It combines microcurrent electricity, facial massage techniques, and LED light to tackle wrinkles, better texture, and relieve tension—all from the comfort of her bathroom.





A cardholder is one of the greatest inventions of all time. This gorgeous Gucci pick boasts three roomy pockets, so she can keep her credit cards and ID all in one place without adding bulk to her purse or pocket. Translation: She'll never have to deal with a cumbersome wallet again.




This three-in-one gift packs a lot of practicality into a compact (and aesthetic!) package. Part press, part iron, and part steamer, it's the ideal gift for any fashion-loving pal, or just a woman in your life who is always on the go. It's no wonder Oprah named it as one of her Favorite Things in 2022.




Thanks to this retro camera, she can capture all of life's greatest moments with one click—without the hassle of getting images developed or scrolling through an endless camera roll. Each photo she snaps on this pint-sized device can be saved on her phone and printed on a high-quality 2"x3" Instax photo sheet.




Every gal needs a great pair of slippers to rock around the house, but sometimes the warmth they provide just isn't enough, especially in the dead of winter. Enter these plush spa booties from Sonoma Lavender. They're designed to be warmed in the microwave or dryer for an extra toasty touch that will keep her tootsies cozy.




You know she loves her wine, so why not make it that much easier for her to enjoy it? This handy device will aerate and dispense her wine for the perfect, delicious pour every time. It even makes her bottles last longer, thanks to an air-tight rubber seal.




Mansur Gavriel's iconic tote bag—which is made of supple Italian leather and lined with a punchy blue or pink hue—is a sure-fire way to bring a smile (and maybe even a few happy tears) to her face. She may not be expecting a new tote bag, but she's sure as heck be grateful to receive one.



Ah yes, the gift of coffee, anytime and anywhere. What could be better? This portable espresso maker will help her pull a pro-worthy shot of espresso from virtually anywhere, including her desk at work or the sidelines of her kid's soccer game. It even comes with a protective case, and the lid doubles as an espresso shot cup—genius!



Meant to facilitate conversation and connection, this card game from renowned couples therapist Esther Perel is unlike any "game" you've ever gifted before. Instead of relying on competition and strategy, it asks players to dig deep in order to answer various prompts and become the storytellers of their own lives.




Add a touch of coziness to her home with this whimsical printed throw blanket. Made from a cuddly, fleece-like material and available in several punchy hues, it's the ideal cuddle companion during her next streaming session or winter hibernation. Even better, it doubles as beautiful home decor, making it a great option for a friend who just moved into a new place.



New moms and night-shift workers alike will fall in love with this pair of reusable eye masks from Dieux Skin. With them, she'll be able to depuff and relax daily without the waste that traditional disposable sheet masks create. These lightweight masks will hold her favorite gels, serums, and creams close to delicate eye skin for maximum absorption and efficacy.




Is there anything better than an expertly crafted cheese and charcuterie board? The answer is no, of course—especially when she doesn't need to make it herself. As a bonus, this delightfully edible treat can be personalized with her initials or a number (like her latest birthday milestone) cut out of cheese. How fun is that?



Ready, set, jet! Send her off to her next trip in style with a personalized passport case from Graphic Image. Available in feminine pink or zesty orange, this stunning pick will ensure she's the most stylish person at the airline counter (and that she'll never misplace her identification!).



Another one of Oprah's Favorite Things, these Brazilian bath salts make for a luxurious soak, softening skin and scenting the entire bathroom with the intoxicating smell of Breu Branco and vetiver. Snag them for the special lady in your life who could use a bit more R&R. She can even reuse the chic canister to hold cotton swabs or hair elastics when she's done.



Whether she aims for a certain step goal each day or just likes to track how many hours she clocks a night, a fitness tracker is a great gift for any woman passionate about health and fitness. This pretty pick is a bit more unexpected than an Apple Watch—not to mention a financially savvy alternative.




Just wait, because this gadget is going to wow your favorite wellness girlie. This innovative herbal infusion machine allows users to infuse any herb into oil, butter, honey, vegetable glycerin (and more!) with just the touch of a button. With it, she'll be able to home-infuse ingredients with endless benefits, from stress-relieving shower steamers to healthy culinary creations, like basil olive oil.



With so many people crazy for pickleball, there's a good chance that a special lady in your life is one of the sport's newest fans. And, if she is, we're sure she would appreciate a new bag for her hobby. Why not throw in some new shoes to help improve her game, too?



Earrings may seem like an expected gift for her, but these pretty pieces from jeweler Anna Janelle offer a charming twist on the classic accessory. Part hoops, part dangles, they combine gold and pearls for an elegant and effortless look she can rock to work, school, or an upcoming date night.



If she's always achy and sore, a personal percussion massager is a great way to help her relieve her muscles. This Hypervolt device is petite and portable, so she can tote it everywhere from the gym to the golf course with ease. Even better, it includes two different heads; a flat one for overall massage and a pointy one to target stubborn knots.



Voracious readers will love leveling up their game (and minimizing their TBR pile) with the new Kindle Scribe. Not only does it boast the same great features of the Paperwhite—like an easy-read display and long battery life—but it also allows for note-taking and document editing, so she can scribble in the margins of her favorite poetry book or amend a work document with ease.



A nylon handbag with a magnetic clasp is both functional and fashionable, making it the ideal gift pick for your friend or sister-in-law who fancies herself a fashionista. The ruched handle on this one adds a textural touch to this periwinkle pick for a bag that will instantly elevate her outfit.




A plush, sorbet-colored scarf from of-the-moment brand Loewe is a great way to brighten her winter outfits even on the darkest, coldest days. Even better, this pick is made from a combination of mohair and wool, making it so cozy that she'll never want to take it off.




She may make entertaining a crowd look easy, but that doesn't mean she wasn't feeling the stress five minutes before everyone walked through the door. Your favorite hostess will love this clever charcuterie board from 2023's Oprah's Favorite Things, which is basically a "paint by numbers" for meats and cheese. It features carvings that direct her where to place everything—from soft cheese and fresh fruit to chocolate—for Insta-worthy appetizers.




This is another gift you can feel good about, since 20 percent of the proceeds from these cheeky Jonathan Adler canisters go to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Not only that but they're practical, too! She can use them basically in any room in her house, from housing tea sachets in the kitchen to storing beauty supplies in the bathroom.




If she loves her daily crossword puzzle app, why not get her a tangible book of puzzles that will keep her busy for hours on end? This collection from Simon & Schuster boasts 300 puzzles with a range of difficulties to challenge her brain at every turn. Bonus: The pages are perforated in case she wants to take a few on the go during her morning commute without lugging the whole book.




Every woman on your gift list can benefit from Oprah's Favorite Things Gift Set. Featuring the best-selling "The Life You Want" Planner, Oprah's Love and Happiness Journal, and the limited edition Daily Inspiration cards, this bundle will help her set a life vision and move forward confidently toward her goals.




If your mom, sister, or friend can't start their day without a steaming cup of coffee, this gift set from Grounds and Hounds is the ideal way to upgrade their morning routine. It features three packs of their signature beans, plus a tote and signature mug. The best part? A portion of the proceeds from every sale goes toward animal rescue organizations.









"Hello, Moto" is a short story about three best friends, each in possession of a magical wig. While the wearers planned to use their powers for good, the tone of the story takes a sudden and abrupt shift when the wigs possess them.

 This is a tale you will only hear once. Then it will be gone in a flash of green light. Maybe all will be well after that. Maybe the story has a happy ending. Maybe there is nothing but darkness when the story ends.


We were three women. Three friends. We had goals, hopes and dreams. We had careers. Two of us had boyfriends. We owned houses. We all had love. Then I made these… wigs. I gave them to my two friends. The three of us put them on. The wigs were supposed to make things better. But something went wrong. Like the nation we were trying to improve, we became backward. Instead of giving, we took.


Walk with me. This is the story of How the Smart Woman Tried to Right Her Great Wrong.



Dawn


With the wig finally off, Coco and Philo felt more distant to me. Thank God.


Even so, because it was sitting beside me, I could still see them. Clearly. In my head. Don’t ever mix juju with technology. There is witchcraft in science and a science to witchcraft. Both will conspire against you eventually. I realized that now. I had to work fast.


It was just after dawn. The sky was heating up. I’d sneaked out of the compound while my boyfriend still slept. Even the house girl who always woke up early was not up yet. I hid behind the hedge of colorful pink and yellow lilies in the front. I needed to be around vibrant natural life, I needed to smell its scent. The flowers’ shape reminded me of what my real hair would look like if the wig hadn’t burned it off.


I opened my laptop and set it in the dirt. I put my wig beside it. It was jet black, shiny, the “hairs” straight and long like a mermaid’s. The hair on my head was less than a millimeter long; shorter than a man’s and far more damaged. For a moment, as I looked at my wig, it flickered its electric blue. I could hear it whispering to me. It wanted me to put it back on. I ran my hand over my sore head. Then I quickly tore my eyes from the wig and plugged in the flash drive. As I waited, I brought out a small sack and reached in. I sprinkled cowry shells, alligator pepper and blue beads around the machine for protection. I wasn’t taking chances.




I sat down, placed my fingers on the keyboard, shut my eyes and prayed to the God I didn’t believe in. After all that had happened, who would believe in God? Philo had been in Jos when the riots happened. I knew it was her and her wig. A technology I had created. Neurotransmitters, mobile phones, incantation, and hypnosis- even I knew my creation was genius. But all it sparked in the North was death and mayhem. During the riots there, some men had even burned a woman and her baby to death. A woman andherbaby!


I didn’t want to think of what Philo gained after causing it all. She never said a word to me about it. However, soon after, she went on a three-day shopping spree in Paris. We could leave Nigeria, but never for more than a few days.


“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I meant well.” I opened my eyes and looked at my screen. The background was a plain blue. The screen was blank except for a single folder. I highlighted the folder and pressed “delete.”


I paused, my hands shaking and my heart pounding in my chest.


“If this doesn’t work, they will kill me,” I whispered. Then I considered what they’d do if I didn’t finish. So many others would die and Nigeria would be in further chaos, for sure. I continued typing. I was creating a computer virus. I would send it out in a few hours. When they’d both be busy. Then all hell would break loose…for me, just me. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.


My name is Rain and if I didn’t get this right, the corruption already rife in this country would be nothing compared to what was to come. And it would all be my fault.




The Market


I am beast. I am lovely. I am in control. I was born beautiful.


All this Philo thought as she walked through the fruit and vegetable section of the open-air market. Around her, women slaved away. They sat behind tables and in booths selling tomatoes, peppers, plantain, egusi seeds, greens, yams. All those things that they’d have to cook at home for their families after a long day. Philo didn’t live that life. She’d chosen better. She was above all of them.


Philo was tall and voluptuous, as she sashayed past women and men in her pricey high heels and brown designer dress that clung to her every inch. Her foundation make-up made her skin look like chocolate porcelain. Her eyelids sparkled with purple eye-shadow. Her lips glistened bright sensual pink. Perfect. Sexy. Hot. And her wig was awful. A washed-out black with auburn frosted tips, it looked as if it were made of colored straw and sat on her head like it knew it did not belong there.


“Here,” a woman said, running up to Philo and handing her a roll of naira. “Take. You will make better use of it than me.” The woman paused and frowned, obviously confused by her own actions and words.


“Thank you,” Philo said, with a chuckle. She grabbed the money with her long nailed painted fingers and stared into the woman’s eyes. Philo felt her wig heat up and then a dull ache in the back of her head. Then she felt it behind her eyes, which turned from deep brown to glowing green. Philo sighed as the laser shot from her eyes into the woman’s eyes. The woman slumped, looking sadly at her feet. It always felt so good to take from people, not just their money but their very essence. Philo quickly moved on leaving the tired sad-looking woman behind.


She passed a group of young men. They stared and she stared back, zapping and taking. Their ravenous looks grew blank. Philo smirked knowingly. She felt amazing. She strolled into a booth where a man sold hundreds of Nollywood movie DVDs. She glanced over the array of colorful dramatic covers where women and men scowled, wept, grinned, pointed, accused, laughed. “I’ll take this one,” she said, picking a DVD at random. She’d watch it. She’d enjoy it. She loved Nollywood. These days, she enjoyed everything. The world was hers. Soon it would be, at least.





She tucked the DVD into her purse and left the booth without paying. No one stopped her. As she stepped into the sunshine, she turned, absolutely loving herself. She knew everyone was looking at her, just as she knew she was sucking the life from them as they stared. Her wig’s heat increased and her brown eyes glinted a bright green as she smiled at any man who caught her eye. By the time she left this market, she’d be weighed down with naira given and life juices taken. Market by Market. It was like this every day.


Her cell phone went off. A male voice happily drawled, “Hellllo Moto,” then upbeat music began to play. Everything about Philo rattled as she stopped and lifted her purse- the jangling bangles on her arms, her jingling earrings, and her three gold chain necklaces. She was clicks and clacks, shines and sparkles.


“Oh where is it,” she said, digging in her purse, mindful of her long nails. “Where, where where.” She pushed aside her lipstick, her unnecessary wallet, tissues, compact case, a pack of gum, wads and rolls of naira. Her cell phone continued going off. She laughed. She already knew who it was. Rain, the weakest link in the chain. She could tell by the ring tone. However, she could also tell by more than that. In her mind’s eye, Philo could see Rain standing outside her compound, next to some flowers, holding her cell phone to her ear, waiting. Philo found her phone, flipped it open and held it to her ear. It clicked against her long gold earring.


“What?” she said, grinning with all her teeth. She heard nothing. “Rain, I know it’s you. Say someth…”


She felt it before she saw it. A coolness that contrasted horribly with the heat of her wig. She frowned as the phone made an odd beeping sound. She held it before her just as the phone glinted a deep green similar to the one her eyes flashed when she sucked psychic energy from those around her. Her phone buzzed, an electrical current zipping across it before disappearing. Green smoke began to dribble from it.


“Chey!” Philo exclaimed staring at it. If she were smart, she’d have dropped it. But Philo was never really that intelligent. Just greedy. Rain didn’t know that before but she knew that now. A text message appeared on the screen but Philo could make no sense of it. It was a series on nonsensical symbols, rubbish. She dropped the phone, pressing a hand to her wig. “That bitch,” she snarled, looking around with wide enraged eyes. “How dare she even try.” In the sunshine, her canines almost looked pointed.


Right then and there, Philo disappeared in a flash of green.





His House


Coco had just lit a cigarette. She leaned back on the plush white leather couch and crossed her legs. She held her glass of champagne up to the photo of her husband on the wall. He was out. He was always out. Working. For her. She laughed, scratching under her itchy wig with her long-nailed index finger. Scritch scritch. It was spiky, dark red and short and no one in his or her right mind would wear it. She got up and looked at her reflection in the glass that protected her husband’s photo. Her skinny jeans and t-shirt fit wonderfully snug. Her face was flawless. And her hair was power.


“Mwah,” she said, blowing herself a kiss.


She ambled into the living room where two fans were blasting. She stood very still between them, her wig’s “hairs” blowing about her face. It felt secure, despite the blowing air. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. Behind her eyelids, she could see. Then she began to draw it in from…


The busy street. People sitting in bustling bush taxies and perched atop hundreds of okada motorbikes. Market women walking alongside the road. The mish-mash of old and modern buildings of Lagos. Disabled beggars in the road. Boys playing soccer on a field.


When she opened her eyes, they glowed a deep green and the wig glinted an electric blue. The blowing fans made the heat from her wig more bearable. Her cell phone went off and she nearly jumped. “Hellllo, Moto,” it said as it played its dance music.


“Ah ah, what now?” she muttered. But she was smiling. The wig. It always left her feeling so good. Minus the heat, which left the actual wig feeling like a burning helmet. She ran to her cell phone on the couch. It was Rain. What did she want now? In her mind, the wig showed Rain standing outside her compound looking worried. The woman always looked so worried; she should have been at the top of the world.


Coco held the phone to her ear as she brought out some lipstick. “Hello?” she said, smearing on a fresh coat. She grinned, sure of what she’d hear. She frowned. “Hello? Rain, what is it? Speak up.”


But she heard nothing. She held the phone to her face when it suddenly became like a chunk of ice in her hand. “Iiieeey!” she exclaimed, throwing it on the couch. As she stared at it, appalled, the cell phone began to dribble green smoke. A text box opened on its screen. Coco squinted trying to read it. It looked like rubbish. But, like Philo, Coco understood what was happening.


“Oh,” Coco said, out of breath. “You want to play now, eh? Ok.” She threw her lipstick on the leather seat, the lid still off. It left a smear on the pillow. “Someone will die today, o. And it will not be me.”


She disappeared.




I have made my choice. That’s why I am still here, standing in these lilies. I run my hand over my shaved head. Waiting. The sun shines bright and happy in the sky, unaware of what’s about to happen to me. Unaware of what I have done and will soon suffer the consequences for. Unconcerned.


Philo appears. She is standing on the lilies, mere feet away from me.


“What is wrong with you?” she shouts. She looks beautiful and ghastly in her tight brown dress that probably cost more naira than a market woman makes in two years.


“I’m…” Fear pumps through my veins like adrenaline and blood.


“Why is your wig off, eh? You look horrible.” Her wig flashes as the digital virus tries to cripple it. Notice I say “tries”.


“I took it off,” I snap. “This is wrong, o! This is wrong! Wake up!”


Philo chuckles. “And what is wrong about it? We have everything we want.”


“Stealing from people is not what I made these for! I made them to help us give! To cure the deep seated culture of corruption by giving people hope and a sense of patriotism. Remember??”


She looks at me as if I am crazy. The wig has made her forget. Na wao. Tricky tricky things, these wigs.


“Put it back on,” she says, pointing a long nail at me.


“No,” I say. “It has made us cruel witches. Look at you!”


Coco appears behind me. She hisses like a snake. She is in no mood for words. Her wig flashes. The virus is not working. When you mix juju with technology, you give up control. You are at the will of something far beyond yourself. I am done for.


See how it all ends? Or does it begin? I am watching them approach me now. I tell you while my life hangs on its last thread. I am putting my wig on. It is so hot. I should have paid more attention to the cooling system when I made these. I hear the heartbeat of everyone around me now, including the irregular rhythm of Coco and Philo’s. But oh, the power. It rushes into me like ogogoro down the throat of a drunk.


See Philo bare her teeth. They are indeed sharp like those of a bloodsucker. The virus is working through her wig now. But something has gone very wrong. They are both smiling. For a year, we have been psychic vampires but now as they come at me, mouths open, teeth sharp, I see that they have become the blood-sucking kind.


I feel my own teeth sharpening too as I prepare to defend myself. This is new but I can’t think about that right now. I tear the wig off and throw it aside.


“Come then!” I shout. Then, I…


 


The End





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